Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
as a side note pls kill me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
