No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
