Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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