2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
