your thong is hanging out like whoa
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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