we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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