Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
