Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
