Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have fence marks all over my body
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
