Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
