I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
