I heard we made out
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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