I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
