Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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