new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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