I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
