you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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