Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
