i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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