I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
