If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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