he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
