I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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