I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
