Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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