she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
