would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
