I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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