I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
