I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
