And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
