I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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