I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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