I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
