Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
