White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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