I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
