some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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