It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
