Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
