the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
