$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
