why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
