If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
