going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
