I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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