he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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