So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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