Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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