Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
is it fun? or sober?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize