i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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