Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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