Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
