so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
