I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
