HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
