He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
