I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its not stalking. its research.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
