I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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