I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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