And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
