Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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