last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
