my phone needs a breathalizer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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