Define "chronic" masturbator.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
