I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
