Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
