Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
