I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
