the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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