Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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