rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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