I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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