tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
