I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
