Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is the high leading the old right now
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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