you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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