vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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