he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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