My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
