Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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