She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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