He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
