looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize