Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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