I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
