walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
