now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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