He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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