Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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